Some Severe Situations #6: “Time Vs.”


Police transcript of text message on suspect’s phone, dated 08/06/16.


Hope u r doing well. just checking in. All is cool here. Been doing the thing and pretty much soo far so good.

Been strangling lately. fun at first but Honestly starting to get boring man. I mean its cool and all. Its just rapetative. I remember the other shit getting repetitive too. That’s why I keep my list. To not 4get shit. Here it is. the latest version

In Detroit so far I did 63 Strangulations 3 Stabbings 37 Headshots 10 Poisoned 23 Fires.

Setting fire. Ha ha. fond memories. Them 25 folks went up fast! crazy. Funny to. Ever see a guy on fire? Looks like he’s trying to dance to a song that’ shooting bullets at his feet! No lie I stole that line but its a god one!

Damn. I’m smiling right now. Fire. Maybe I’, just being nostalgic. Na. Now ay. That time was exciting.

Poisoning was real fun. So easy. Dump the shit in someone’s coffee and step aside. Shame that thing of sianide didn’t last longer. I still be poisoning if it wasn’t impossible to git ur hands on cyanide in this goddamned city. I mean, ain’t like its legal 4 me to have. Whatever.

Some dudes probably use bleach. Not an option 4 me. I’m an artist. Any doosh can dump Clorox in a lady’s tea at the diner. if ur gonna do it u use the real stuff. I loved leave the antidote right next to them! In a paper cup! They never knew it was there! Hilarious! Dumb asse!

63 Strangulations. 3 Stabbings

Stabbings! Those suckeddddddddddd! Kept thinking they d git easier. Nope. 3 was enuff. They hurt ur arm too! Especially like up around the shoulder. It doesn’t hurt when u’re doing it, but after. Like when u go to the gym.

37 Head Shots

Oh damn, I skipped over the headshots. That rifle came in real handy. They didn’t even realize at work that I lifted it. Idiots. Head shots tho. Damn! Totez a thrill. When u make a head or part of one explode from 3 buildings down and 20 stories up wow. Hard as a son of a bitch. That’s why barely anybody can do it.

I’m guessing its probably a one in 10 or 20 thousand chance u actually hit the guy u r aiming 4. let alone his head. I just count anywhere above the chest as a hit.

Would of kept at it but ran out of bullets. Should’ve taken more. Guess I could buy some, or swipe some from a gun store. if I got caught tho I’d probably get arrested. end up right back where I started! LOL

I’m just tired. Strangling a dude is tiring. No joke. Literally. Not as hard as hacking someone up with a knife, but its a workout. The payoff is great tho.

What I hated about stabbing 4 starters was the wounds dont squirt blood like they do in movies. they barely even leak. And the chick is screaming and jumping around so ducking much u can’t even concentrate. And u gotta concenrate. u gotta estimate which way they fucker spins next so u can catch them with the blade again.

And guess how many stabs it takes to kill? Just guessing but its got to be around like sixty or a hundred. Easily. Then u gotta clean the knife. And I don’t mean later. While u’re doing it! That’s how much blood gets on that shit!

Almost 4got, also, the screaming might get ur ass caught. Goddamn. u better hope u picked the right time and place to attack because lots of noise don’t divert attention. I’m not trying to visit where I just came from! 4 real!          

Well, anyway, strangling was the best. Its quiet as hell b/c ur cutting off the fuckers air supply. Its simple too. Everything a contract killer could want. Sometimes it gets u horny two! That’s between us! LOL.

I loved doing it tho. u squeeze 4 a while and they die. That it. I used to wonder if maybe some of them just passed out, but no. I’d keep doing it if I wasn’t so damn exhausted. and kind of bored. straight up.

Whatever…so any ideas what I could do next? I thout about hanging, but then I was like No way. Way too complicated. I like the pure stuff. I’m an artist. Lynching clumsy. I don’t the patience. or the rope. or the tree. I’m in Detroit! ha ha. I also bet its noisy as shit.

So…I been racking my brain on new ways to take people out. but truthfully? If I didn’t see it in a movie it ain’t coming to mind. should’ve watched more movies right?

I was thinking I could do some research on murder. Its not like I don’t have the time. But then again, I didn’t get into this gig to do real work. Duck that! u know? I got my hands full enough with this job. Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving it. Just stumped right now is all. And beat.

This was a great deal tho. How the hell do u shaman git the power? I swear i’m gonna make u tell me next time I see u. I know u wouldn’t be 4 but u’ll break my man. u’ll tell me. u gotta! Ha ha.

I’ll never 4git when u said u could make me live 4-ever with ur goofy ass accent! JK. I was all ‘how many people are in the world? Like fifty million?’ u were like ‘Billions.’ I was like What!!! I gotta kill a billion!!!! Thank god that wasn’t the case. Still lots of bad ones, tho. I still have to kill a ton. I wrote the number down somewhere. It doesn’t matter. I got plenty of time!

Immortality is a trip. definately. I don’t need to eat. don’t need to sleep. I never get sick. I don’t need shit. i’m perfect! Plus I got to quit that bull ship ass job doing police work. They had me riding that desk in that whores shit town. they had me answering phones! I was done. was so sick of getting past over. Watching all the other guys get the action. And they didn’t even deserve it. My assholes bosses were never gonna give me a break.

But u did. I’m finally doing the work I was born to do. Wish I my head wasn’t so blocked, but it’ll pass. So, yeah if u have any ideas like I said send them my way.

Oh. u know what I’ve been meaning to tell u and I keep 4gitting is its crazy how u make the people I’m supposed to off glow. That’s insane! Sure makes the job easier! I’m gonna read this list to u one more time.

63 Strange relations. 3 Stabbings 37 Head Shots 10 Poise sons. 23 Sets Fired.

Just opened my calculator. That’s 138. Shit no 139. 4got to add the dude I just did now. anyway. It’s been two years. And there’s something like 500 thousand left to go. Just in Detroit. That’s gonna take a long ducking time! Guess its plenty of time 4 me to come up with some new methods tho. They willl come to me. They will pop in my head. Eventually. From God maybe. Or u Ha!  

Anyway I’d better bounce. I hear sirens. Doubt they’re 4 me but can’t be too safe. Right??? I ain’t going to a prison cell. Not 4 eternity! Not spending eternity in the place I used to work in! Talk about Hell! 😭

Hope to hear back from u on this soon. And all the other text I sent. Dick. JK. Sry 4 typos


This is Brett.

End of transcription.

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Joe DeRosa
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